The amount of homework to get assistance is staggering and unhelpful

• 24 August 2026
• field-notes,
• caregiver-reality,
• bureaucracy

Dear Unhelpful Organization:

I am not able to find 2 hours for an intake video interview when I am a 24/7 caregiver for an Alzheimer’s patient recovering from a Grand Mal Seizure. I will answer your stupid online questionnaire as time permits. I am not ignoring your emails to help, I am very overwhelmed and drowning in bureaucracy. The amount of homework to get assistance is staggering and unhelpful. I have zero income, zero support from so called family, and every friend I have reached for cannot fathom one feeling or problem I bring to the table without being so shocked that I never hear from them again. I have had zero respite since November 2024. I am a 58 year old AuDHD woman who had a full hysterectomy (try to get your brain to work right with no hormones) and I do not have the bandwidth to mask for you for 2 long hours on a video call. I can barely survive my therapy appointments that are a mere 30 minutes long in this complex season of life. I don’t know how to do what you are asking with my limited energy. I can forward all of the government forms I have already filled out. Why am I repeating every single thing over and over again? I have an SOC821 from his Neurologist. I have all the completed SSI paperwork that has been submitted detailing his ADLs and declines and every other thing imaginable. Why do I have to jump through so many hoops to get help? Why is it my duty to rehash and regurgitate details that I have already documented for three different organizations? What part of “I am now his entire brain” is not sufficient enough to acquire help? When did it become ok to overwork the spouse to the point of detriment to her health and wellbeing? What happened to medical professionals being helpful? Every single person I have reached for in the medical profession points me to therapy because of my tears. Are you joking? I need respite services, not therapy. My mind is solid. My BODY IS OVERLOADED. There is an obvious and glaring difference between the two. Tears do not equal instability. Tears are the valve releasing the pressure of being overwhelmed. Learn to be human. Learn to listen. Learn some empathy. Learn to just sit and be a presence. Think for 2 minutes how it feels to stand in my shoes and then let me know if it does not reduce you to tears also.

Sincerely, an overloaded caregiver.

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